I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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