drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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