lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
