new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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