eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
