Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
