I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
