So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
