he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
