remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
