So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
