No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
