Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
