remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
