I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
