i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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