What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize