Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
