i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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