I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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