I cockslap morals
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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