go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
