my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't shave. On purpose
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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