I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
