drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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