it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
