I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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