A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
