my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
