He disabled his match.com account in front of me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize