I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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