turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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