Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
