I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
