I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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