Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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