Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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