I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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