i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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