if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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