When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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