don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
