and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
