and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
