On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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