If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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