do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
