Old men and throwing up are my life now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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