I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
