I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize