He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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