I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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