You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
