You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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