so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
pray to the hookup gods
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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