having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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