So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
