You made me cry and you don't even care
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
