The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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