people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
whose parrot is this?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
