guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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