So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
