Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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