we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
