i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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