I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
